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European Dressing, For Men
What can we say? Mr. Wyatt is eclectically Euro!
But when it comes to the clothing in our closets, it is time for a change. Now, I know that because of events surrounding one of the greatest tragedies in American history, we are supposed to be patriotic and hate the French. But alas my manly American brothers, it is time for us to embrace the French once again.
So why is it that I ask you to turn your gaze eastward and subscribe to the French way of dressing? It is the simple idea of less is more. Less is more? That’s not a capitalist enterprise!
I want you to close your eyes and think to yourself… Now open them, because you haven’t yet read what I’m asking you to think about, Silly Goose. Envision the way your coworkers dress. Then, check out those you see on your commute to work. Look at them, dressed in ill fitting clothing: suit jackets too large, making the shoulders appear as though they magically float away from the body; pants so oversized that the break of the pant hits closer to the concrete than the ankle, and on top of that, they’re cuffed! These people wear dress shirts that have so much fabric attached to them they look better suited to sailing a zephyr on the open sea than to clothing a man dressed upon dry land.
Now, realize you have the same poor choices in clothing and fit as all of these people, and that how you look at them is how people look at you. "For whatever reason, a lot of men dress as though they weigh 40 pounds more than they actually do," says Manhattan based Amanda Longton, former Director of Stores for the W Hotel Boutiques and currently the Retail Director for Mavi NYC. It’s a simple proposal: less is more. Think: fewer clothing options, less fabric in your clothing and more stolen glances when you step into a room. There is a reason James Bond will always be a la mode, his clothes fit him! And so we get to the heart of French dressing. It is impeccable fit and a lesser wardrobe. We must forego the American approach to everything, that of a plethora of choices, and narrow down our wardrobes to pieces that (every time you step out the door) make you look damn good. You may not be Sean Connery, but at least you can fake it. The building of a cohesive wardrobe is essential not only to French dressing, but also to making life simpler. Each piece needs to be interchangeable with others. T-shirts, cardigans, flat front dress pants, button down shirts, jeans, suit jackets etc… "The more effort you put into selecting great pieces, the less effort you need to expend in order to look good at all times," states Longton. Step 1: Clear out the rubbish. I know it’s difficult to purchase something and then to have to admit defeat in your ability to properly clothe yourself. But, it must be done. If you don’t look good in it, then what exactly is the point of wearing it? Clothing most certainly is art and we have to face the fact that not all art is created equal. If you’re wearing a God-awful print, or something that has too much fabric and doesn’t fit you properly, you need to cleanse yourself and donate it to charity. Step 2: Honor thy tailor. It’s time to take clothing from the status of necessity, to the status of an investment in self. Ask any petite woman who her favorite person is (after her hair stylist) and you will probably be told the name of her tailor. Pants need to be hemmed, suit jackets need to be taken in, and you’re not doing it! There’s a reason tuxedos look so damn good on 007: He has a tailor. This, more than anything, is the essential requisite of French dressing. If you’re just going to present yourself in an overgrown sac, then why are you dropping $150 on a Hugo Boss dress shirt? Not even Tom Ford can make a man who wears a medium shirt look presentable in an extra large. "The biggest thing with men is to convince them they are not that big. A shoulder seam at mid-bicep doesn’t look good, and they don’t understand that," says Amanda. That brings us to our next point… Step 3: Size matters, Sweetie. Harkening to our male instincts of more is more in this country, it’s time to accept the fact that you aren’t an extra large shirt. Hell, most of you aren’t even an extra medium! How sad is it to see a man drowning in a shirt? When there is enough fabric to comfortably wear a sympathy belly underneath…well, you just look like crap. Clothiers generally pander to the masses, and America’s masses are massive, but you aren’t. You’re single and need to get laid. So, stop dressing like a fat man and start dressing like the classy bitch you think you are. Think slim-fit. Step 4: Flaunt it. And you know what the best part is? When you have great pieces that fit you properly and are interchangeable, it takes zero effort to flaunt it. Nothing turns a woman’s head faster than a well dressed man. Face it, most men look pretty atrocious naked. Brad Pitts we are not. So the reality is, when a woman sees you, she doesn’t imagine you naked. A shock, I know. She notices a man’s attention to detail, his ability to present himself in the best manner possible. And that doesn’t mean the ability to tuck your shirt into your pants, and your back pockets at the same time. "A man, who carries himself well and is in a classic, tailored suit, will draw me into a conversation faster than a man who doesn’t dress well. It shows me he pays attention to detail and knows how to take care of himself, which ultimately makes me think he’d know how to take care of a relationship properly," says Miss Amanda Longton. You only have one chance to make a first impression with a woman, so you need to ask yourself, do you want to impersonate George Clooney or Woody Allen? These are four exceedingly
simple steps to presenting yourself in a much more put-together
way. If you still feel at this point you are lost when it comes to
what clothing to choose, hire a personal shopper. They’ll go over your
budget with you and determine what would suit you best, pardon the
pun. You pay for a realtor when you’re buying property. Just why
do you do that? Because you don’t know crap! Though
clothing is, in theory, a bit simpler to pick out, the same principles
apply. If you don’t know what you’re doing, then get the help
of someone who does.
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The
French certainly know how to wear it. But, some of Jeff’s favorite
designs are actually German...Hugo Boss, to be specific.
entlemen,
if we may be honest with one another, bigger is always better.
More is more! Give me six patties of meat on my cheeseburger, and
while you’re at it, put six slices of cheese on there, and when it
comes to women…may we have seconds? The genetic
makeup of Homo sapiens (Americanus) man says that we have to want
bigger, more powerful, and just flat out, more!
Yes,
the French, the same ones who gave us the Statue of Liberty, the novels
of Proust, the Champs-Elysées and of course, the ability to order a
Royale with cheese, a la Samuel L. Jackson, naturally.
